Veona Cutinho is an Honors College senior majoring in genomics and molecular genetics with a minor in mathematics in the College of Natural Science. She works in the MSU Cellular Reprogramming Laboratory under the direction of Professor Jose Cibelli. Cutinho is one of the founding members of MSU’s first undergraduate-led research journal SPARC. 

I was 17 when I came to the U.S — the first in my family to ever leave my home country India. When I tell people this, they call me brave and resilient. But the truth is, I was simply unaware of the weight of my choice. I didn’t anticipate what it would mean to adjust to different cultural expectations, and I certainly hadn’t considered the reality of losing touch with the identity I held for 17 years. 

For the duration of my undergraduate program, I will have seen my family only twice! I do not share this for sympathy, rather to express the magnitude of the choice I made when I decided to study abroad in the U.S. 

Home is where your heart is, and I always carry the essence of my family in everything I do and every choice I make. Though my family may not be physically present, their values are evident in all that I do. So how can I really be homesick?

Moreover, today with the internet, I can always stay connected with my family — our video calls sometimes exceed two hours, and we call everyday! My reality is different from my peers — not better or worse. Just different.

It took two years to cope with the physical separation from my family. Even as I packed up for my first international trip ever, I dreaded it. Homesickness stifled any excitement or optimism for my international undergraduate experience. This negativity impacted the way I perceived my experiences. 

When the time came for summer break after my first year, I was thrilled to go home. But I had to confront a difficult reality. When I returned home, I noticed that life had moved on without me. It felt as though I was watching life from a new vantage point — a life where I had no role to play. 

I was a guest in my own house. Yes, my family and friends still loved and valued me, but they learned to live without me. They had moved forward without me. That was a bittersweet realization. I decided then to truly accept my new reality and my home in the U.S.

When I returned for the fall semester, I put my heart into finding a community and embodying a community mindset. I began to recognize how rich my blended experience (of Indian and international identities) was! And as I began to embrace this new positivity, it reflected in my daily interactions. 

Now, I am constantly thinking about ways I can contribute and impact the lives of the people I meet. My shift in perspective motivates me to do better. Last Thanksgiving, when many students had the opportunity to go home, be with family and eat home-cooked food, feelings of homesickness began to creep in. However,  I realized I wasn’t the only one who felt that way. When I didn’t have a home to go to for Thanksgiving, I decided to bring Thanksgiving to my college dorm by hosting dinner for all the people I knew who also couldn’t go home. 

I’ve come to realize that finding community is more important and more valuable than I originally thought. My Spartan experience changed once I was ready to fully embrace what was here all along. In my final year here, I want to reach out and help others, especially international freshmen feeling the same way I did. 

Knowing what I now know, would I take the same journey 8,000 miles away from home? Absolutely!

Photos by Veona Cutinho.